he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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