Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
