Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
