So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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