hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
