you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
