the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
