forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
