my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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