i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
