my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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