I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
