just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
