I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
