the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
