just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
