He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
