Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
