So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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