You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize