FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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