i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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