I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
