He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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