Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
