cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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