We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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