so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
