He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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