craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
