Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
