bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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