Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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