I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm like, not good at living.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
