Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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