here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize