i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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