I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
