I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
