dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
