Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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