At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
