Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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