i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
