the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let's paint friendship bongs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize