I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
