it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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