if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
