stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
