his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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