be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
