are you still at the devil's house?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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