You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize