Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
