I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize