I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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