she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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