I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize