I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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