I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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