I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
