"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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