What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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