My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
