"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We got so high we made milksteak
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Randomize
