It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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