we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
