You can't special order awesome
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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