I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
