can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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