cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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