Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
