The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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